Ultimatum

As parents, we walk fine lines. We want our children to find their feet and make us proud. Of course, developing human organisms will get it wrong. Mistakes form the basis of learning. I have yet to meet someone who has learned from not making mistakes.

The beginning toddler falls often. There isn’t a walking child who hasn’t stumbled.

There are mistakes, though, and then there are mistakes.

These mistakes cause us to react. How we respond determines the level of learning from the error. Children benefit from knowing where the boundaries are drawn. They will step over them.

I have always believed that preventing an issue before it becomes one is the better option. But you can’t be on alert 24/7. Issues that spike our emotions will occur. Boundary transgressions are inevitable, but ultimatums are not.

Ultimatums begin like this: ‘If you do that again, then …’

Note the word ‘if.’ It signals that an ultimatum is coming. ‘If’ arrives before we’ve thought of something else. You’re emotional because a boundary has been crossed. It gets worse. Read on:

Your ultimatum will redraw that boundary.

A child who knew the boundary but crossed it now has to deal with a new one. And you, dear parent, have to think up a believable consequence to follow your blurted, ‘if you do that again’ comment. And that’s not easy—an ‘if’ statement is meaningless when what follows is unreasonable.

Remember, we all learn from mistakes.