Belief Systems

Our belief systems drive our behaviour. Our behaviour, if it is nurturing enough, will influence the behaviour of those around us. Note I used the word nurturing ahead of assertive, domineering, forceful, or cooperative.

Nurturing is essential because that’s what we parents do. Sometimes, we must be assertive or forceful, but nurturing is our guiding star.

Many of us lean towards parenting the way our parents raised us, while many more have discarded those methods in favour of others. Whatever approach you take, your belief system will be bubbling away underneath.

The thing is, changing your parenting style is easy. Changing your belief system isn’t. Often, it’s hard-wired from childhood. Lifelong religious beliefs are an example of this. A particular philosophy about which form of government works best is another.

A tantrum-throwing toddler made the life of a teacher at one of my schools difficult. The teacher was adept at diffusing similar behaviours in her classroom, but nothing she tried with her child worked.

It was a case of following the same patterns but expecting different results. One day, an outburst erupted in the local supermarket. My teacher was at her wits’ end, so she threw a tantrum. She mirrored her child's crying and foot-stamping.

The three-year-old noticed a crowd of onlookers was building and realised they were the centre of attention. The tantrum stopped, and so did Mum.

Mum had to upend her belief system, which favoured calmness over losing it. This system reflected the calmness of her classroom.